why I am so tolerant

Coming back to the state where I grew up is fascinating. I have only been to Tulsa once since moving away in 1979. It almost got to the point recently where I felt so unattached to the town I grew up in that I considered telling everyone I'm from Tucson instead, since that's where I was born and where the family roots remain. Mostly though I just tell folks I'm from Durham since I've been there almost 20 years and hope to stay at least 20 more.

Just breathing the Oklahoma air again is enlightening. One thing I quickly realized is why I am such a naturally tolerant person. It's because so many people here are so incredibly slow and stupid, and this I was raised to consider normal.

OK, that's a little unfair. Okies are only slow and stupid when they are behind the wheel of a car. One of my favorite sayings is that Sartre got it almost but not quite right when he said "Hell is other people," while the precise truth is Hell is other drivers. Now I know why I think this is so witty.

By no means are Oklahoma drivers the worst in the country. Maryland, Florida, Nashville and Houston all have far more annoyingly rude and dangerous drivers. Okies are just the slowest.

Oklahoma is the only state where minimum speeds are posted on the highways, because if they weren't posted and enforced then surely more people would drive down the highway at 35 mph. When people turn off a major street, they often come to a complete stop before beginning their turn. It's the only place I know where people signal for exit ramps, which is actually a good thing because as soon as they turn their signal on you know they are going to slow waaaay down before taking their exit. And wouldn't you know it, after only three days I fell right back into the habit of signaling for my exit. At least folks do use their turn signals here.

Like most cities, the highways in OKC have bad traffic. People here say that they were poorly designed, which is true I guess once you realize that federal highway planners did not take into account how already slow Okies will slow down even more to rubberneck every single car on the side of the road. Like 15 mph slow, slow enough to try to figure out why exactly that car is broken down. Hey, if they slow down enough, maybe they can read the orange sticker on the side mirror to see just how long it has been sitting there. Or maybe they are inspecting the vehicle because they are considering trading in their current ride.

A few nights ago I went down to Norman to see some old friends. I called when I was supposed to arrive to let them know I had forgotten to account for traffic and would be running late. At that point I had been in 0-30 mph stop-and-go traffic for several miles, and I joked to my friend Leigh about how it must be just because some car had an orange sticker in the breakdown lane. She accused me of unfairly exaggerating, and I admitted I probably was. But sure enough, about five miles and 20 minutes later that's exactly what it was. The hood was bent back onto the windshield, which is kinda unusual, sure, but not really. And wouldn't you know it, the moment we got past this sight traffic went right back up to speed.