OKC restaurants stink

Here is my quick restaurant guide to Oklahoma City: they all suck.

Well, OK, I guess that's probably not true. Maybe only 98% of them suck. There do seem to be a number of interesting places in Little Saigon I haven't tried yet. Yes, Oklahoma City has a rather sizable Little Saigon neighborhood. Back in 1975 when we took in all those Vietnamese refugees, one of the three internment camps, uh, I mean, resettlement centers, was at Ft. Smith, Arkansas, just across the Oklahoma border. So naturally once released many Vietnamese settled in the closest cities, Tulsa and OKC. It was wondrous back then as a teenager in Tulsa. In the late 70s we still thought of Italian food as daringly ethnic. Maybe there were some bad Chinese restaurants in most cities by that point, although I don't recall any growing up in Tulsa. And then all of a sudden - pho everywhere. It was amazing.

But I digress. The two dinners I've had where I didn't pick the spot were at crappy Chinese buffets. It didn't make it taste any better to listen to everyone else at the table tell me how great they thought the place was. Just the opposite, it helped convince me that these poor people had been deprived of quality cuisine for so long that they couldn't even recognize it any longer. Ah, the sadness of permanently diminished expectations.

More evidence for this conclusion comes whenever I ask anyone here where good restaurants are in town, which I do every time I encounter natives not in another restaurant. No one knows any. They always start listing chains or pizza places. Indeed the first name out of everyone's mouths in Chili's. I am beginning to think they are right, Chili's is the best place in town. It's enough to make the Baby Jesus weep.

Whenever I have tried a local place, it has been horrible. I am beginning to doubt one of those little abilities I take big pride in, to pick out good restaurants at a glance. Maybe my problem is that I am assuming there are any good restaurants here. I tried a Mexican place called San Marcos, which is in what looks like an old Der Weinerschnitzel. Usually restaurants that were converted from older chains or gas stations are a good bet, but not this one. Ugh.

I am beginning to figure out the code though. Most restaurants that look decent at first blush turn out upon a slightly deeper inspection to be seedy bars and pool halls only pretending to be restaurants. There are a lot of those running amok here. The code is they generally have some identifying word in the name, like Grill or Club. All the other local looking restaurants that might have been good are shuttered up, long abandoned. Another really bad sign.

Yesterday I got lunch from the Classen Grill, right next to the hotel. It is obviously very popular and has received excellent reviews on the web. Let me tell you though, it was vile. Not just bad, vile. The hash browns were underdone and rubbery, the scrambled eggs seemed to be flavored with traces of industrial chemicals, and the chicken fried steak had a huge crust which did not adhere to a patty of what must have been the lowest quality meat sold for human consumption in the United States. It was a gristle burger, basically. I could only eat of few bites of each thing before I threw it all out. And if you know me at all, you know how very hard that is for me. I am obsessed with cleaning my plate and even when I'm full I still can't help grazing on any food left in front of me. Easily the worst dining experience ever on the road these last five years, and that includes the night Lee and I pulled into some town after everything had closed and all we could find were old microwavable industrial sausage biscuits. With no microwave.

Last night I finally found a delightful place, the Deep Fork Grill on Western. It's a bit pricey so I can't eat there every night, even on a $40 per diem. But it will be great when our glorious Chair comes to town next week to help out the effort here. I had the Rainbow Trout, served on a bed of mushroom risotto, with a side of crisp green beans with pimentos, washed down with a couple drafts of Spaten Optimizer. For dessert later I took home a slice key lime pie with a light mango sauce. Just delightful, that's the adjective I keep coming back to when thinking about it. I openly thanked God at the table for finally leading me to this place.

The dinner put me in the mood to fall asleep super early and I had a fitful rest, tossing and turning for about five hours until I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I'm hoping that's just because my body was so excited to finally eat something decent after so long.